I have had an exciting summer and I need to start writing more in this blog. I have tons of things to write about but I just can't seem to get into it. For some reason, depression has reared it's ugly head and I am not sure what the reason is. There is very little reason for this to be happening. But it just doesn't seem to want to leave me much as I would like it to.
I keep thinking about the past, Alex, my kids and how everything has changed and that is the way things are supposed to be. I now have an even larger family with new little ones. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have good husband and children, time to travel and many other blessings, so I can't say what is wrong. I worry all the time that something will happen and I don't even know what it is or what it will be. I know a lot this started when I realized that I could not ever have a close relationship with some of my family. And my baby girl moved away but I know I can talk with her on the phone or on Facebook but I will miss my Savannah. A lot of family members live far apart. I also think I may still be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome for what happened over 6 years ago with all those deaths and all my illnesses. I was so busy with work and trying to take care of my parent's affairs and dealing with family members that maybe I just didn't get a chance to grieve properly. I had to put my feelings on the back burner. Now that I have to time to sit back and enjoy life, something is coming back to haunt me.
I hope I soon start feeling better and can get back with the program. I need to get over it but I can't really lay a finger on what I have to get over. I have a lot of things I want to put in my blog but right now, I just can't seem to tackle it. One of my daughters said she had not cried for a long time. I cry everyday. I hope it heals me. If I knew what it was that was causing this tear water tea, maybe it would help, but I just don't know. It's hard when you don't even know why it is happening and then feeling guilty that you should not be feeling this way. I just needed to vent and I love all my family and I know with time I will feel better.
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Tina and Kipp at Mim's on Mother's Day Dom and Tina Mother's Day Matt and Kelly Mother's Day Crystal Hot Springs ... -
Boy, time really flies these days. Seems like we just had Thanksgiving and Christmas. Needless to say, I am not prepared for Christmas yet. ...
1 comment:
I'm sorry you are feeling down. I get this way too off and on and don't like it either. We always want to be in control of our feelings and when we aren't its hard to explain them. I pray you will find some comfort. I only have 3 kids and know that they and what they are or aren't doing really can affect us as moms so I can't imagine having to go through double and a half of the worries and heartaches that you are going through.
I have been going through an emotional roller coaster myself with all this moving and change yet it was something I wanted and that makes it harder cause if I wanted this change in life then I shouldn't worry at all, right? Wrong.
My comfort is through the Lord who I'm afraid I have not kept close to these past few weeks and am really feeling the distance, but it is from my own doing. Sure I have other comfort from my family here and there with your support, but it is different than that that I have with being close to God.
I have faith though, so that is important.
I love you and will be praying for you...
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