Tear Water Tea

I have had an exciting summer and I need to start writing more in this blog. I have tons of things to write about but I just can't seem to get into it. For some reason, depression has reared it's ugly head and I am not sure what the reason is.  There is very little reason for this to be happening. But it just doesn't seem to want to leave me much as I would like it to.

I keep thinking about the past, Alex, my kids and how everything has changed and that is the way things are supposed to be. I now have an even larger family with new little ones. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have good husband and children, time to travel and many other blessings, so I can't say what is wrong. I worry all the time that something will happen and I don't even know what it is or what it will be. I know a lot this started when I realized that I could not ever have a close relationship with some of my family. And my baby girl moved away but I know I can talk with her on the phone or on Facebook but I will miss my Savannah. A lot of family members live far apart. I also think I may still be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome for what happened over 6 years ago with all those deaths and all my illnesses. I was so busy with work and trying to take care of my parent's affairs and dealing with family members that maybe I just didn't get a chance to grieve properly.  I had to put my feelings on the back burner. Now that I have to time to sit back and enjoy life, something is coming back to haunt me.

I hope I soon start feeling better and can get back with the program. I need to get over it but I can't really lay a finger on what I have to get over. I have a lot of things I want to put in my blog but right now, I just can't seem to tackle it. One of my daughters said she had not cried for a long time. I cry everyday. I hope it heals me. If I knew what it was that was causing this tear water tea, maybe it would help, but I just don't know. It's hard when you don't even know why it is happening and then feeling guilty that you should not be feeling this way. I just needed to vent and I love all my family and I know with time I will feel better.